I left Delhi in 2007 for Udaipur for my new job. Many members of my family came to drop me at the airport. My father-in-law, who I called Pitaji, did not come to the airport as he was very upset with this shift, since I was his only son-in-law. My wife was the only daughter in the family. Thus, my emotional bonding with him was also very special.
Whenever we met, we spoke at length and discussed many things. I would remind him of his days as a teacher and then as Principal, and he would not understand what I did professionally – he always felt that my job of Corporate Communication was just about talking to people.
Though I frequently visited Delhi for meetings my journalist friends, I could not get much time to either meet my parents or in-laws. I would reach Delhi by morning flight and return either the same day or the next morning. This kept happening for many years.
Then suddenly, one sad day, I came to know that my father-in-law has been detected with prostate cancer – Unbearable and unimaginable. We didn’t know how to handle this. He was far away from cigarettes, alcohol or habitual to any medicine. He was a simple man who retired as a Principal of a Government School in Tilak Nagar, New Delhi, and had thousands of students recognizing him as – ‘Shastri Ji’.
Two of my brothers-in-laws are Doctors so the treatment started immediately in the best of the hospitals in Delhi. A struggle, failure, hope of success and then restarting the treatment again – everything was happening. This continued for almost three years and finally the top doctors at RML Hospital, New Delhi – surrendered.
Now, what I am going to tell you is something that you would not believe – but this happened.
My family had already left for Delhi to be with him in his last days, and I was stuck here in Udaipur for obvious office reasons.
We carry this inherent faith that the whole of the office would fall apart and collapse if we took leave. Thus, we not just accumulate leaves, rather, we also accumulate bad health, palpitation, anxiety and stress.
Everyone in Delhi informed me that my father-in-law did not have much time now, but I had this faith in Bholenath that, no matter what, he would not leave this world without seeing and meeting me. Our bonding was strong enough to support this faith.
It was 28th March 2010, and I had returned late from office in Udaipur. After eating light dinner, I tried sleeping. I was not able to sleep since I had an early morning flight. It was around 1:00 AM (01:00 hours) and I felt a shadow just outside my room – the shadow was quite visible from the bottom of the curtains of the bedroom door. I decided not to get-up from the bed and just asked who it was, as if I was sure someone was there. The curtains moved a little bit and I could clearly see the shadow of my father-in-law – in the same attire of sherwani, and asking me to come out – “Beta Ji I have come to meet you, can you come out and meet me. I have no time left now and I can’t leave without meeting you”, he seemingly said.
It was all so real that there was no scope for any imagination. My conversation started with him – I told him – “Pitaji how come you are here. You were admitted in the hospital. I would meet you in Delhi only and I am flying tomorrow morning first flight. Right now, you go and take rest.”
But he was not ready to leave. He said “Beta Ji, I know you are very busy, and you would not come. Do not be annoyed. I have myself come to meet you. Just come out and meet me so that I can leave.”
I was also quite stubborn like him. I also decided not come out and remained on the bed.
He again said – “Beta Ji, I don’t have time and please meet me since without meeting you I cannot leave. Do you want me to continue to suffer in this pain and remain alive? I want to hug you and leave.” But I again insisted – “If I meet you now Pitaji, I am sure you would leave this world right away, and I don’t want to see this. I want to meet you in Delhi, where we both belong and want to talk to you the way we used to discuss. I want to have a last conversation with you in Delhi only. So please, you go and wait for me till tomorrow, and I would meet you, it’s a promise.”
“Don’t be so stubborn Beta, come out. I know tomorrow you will make some more excuses”, said Pitaji. I promised him and showed him air-tickets of Air India flight to Delhi and assured him that I would be there.
The conversation continued for a little longer and neither he came inside, nor I came out of the room to meet him. My eyes closed and opened several times, just to see if he was there or he left.
At around 3:00 AM, I saw his shadow missing. I could not see or hear him. I also called him once, but the response didn’t come.
With all the thoughts of conversation with Pitaji, I started getting ready to catch the flight. My brother-in-law and family were calling me continuously to ensure that I indeed boarded the flight.
As I reached Delhi, I went straight to the hospital. I saw him in Critical ICU. He was unconscious but alive. Many relatives had gathered in the hospital. They knew it was any time now.
After seeing him for a moment, I came out with my brothers-in-law, who was also a Doctor in RML Hospital, and enquired about my father-in-law’s condition. He said, “Pitaji has been asking about you all the time. Whenever he regains some consciousness, he enquires about you. Yesterday he was quite upset and was complaining that we had not informed you about his condition. He threatened that if we don’t call you immediately, he would himself go to Udaipur and meet you.”
I was blank. No expressions. I remembered what had happened a night before. I casually asked my brother-in-law about the time Pitaji said all this.
“This was around 12:30 midnight. But suddenly around 12:45 his breathing stopped and we thought we actually lost him. Pitaji was not reviving. Some injections, some therapies, some machines – everything was applied to revive him. When we were almost giving-up, he suddenly started breathing. It was around 3:00 AM that time”, my brother-in-law narrated the entire incident.
I could not believe this – this was in confirmation of the time he was with me in Udaipur – from around 1:00 AM to 3:00 AM. So, it was not a dream. He had actually come to see me – I was completely in a state of a disbelief.
I did not disclose anything to my brother-in-law since it was beyond anyone’s imagination.
I went back to my father-in-law and sat beside him. He was not responding to any medicine or to anyone’s voice. But as I held his hand, he slightly opened his eyes. He knew I had come. A small smile came on his face – as if telling me – so you have finally come.
All the ventilators did not allow him to move his head or talk, but I could see his eyes speaking, which were hardly open. I asked him – “So it was you who came to meet me in Udaipur – right”, and he slightly nodded his head in affirmation. I again asked him – “It was you who stood there for 2-hours to meet me and I did not come out”. He again nodded his head in affirmation. “Do you know why I didn’t come out – I asked him.” He again nodded his head and wanted me to come close and then kept his other hand on my hand – as if he was telling me that he knew that I wanted to meet him physically and not his shadow or soul. It was time for me to nod my head in affirmation with eyes full of tears and lips shivering.
I knew it was going to be my last conversation with him.
So, without waiting for even one second, I started – “Pitaji, it has been around 16 years of togetherness now, and we bonded from the day one.” I made him recollect how my marriage with his only daughter happened. How we used to chat for hours together. How his daily call was always the first call in the morning. I told him he has seen much of the pain since I left Delhi.
“No one wants to see you in such pain. There are hundreds of people praying for your early recovery. But we all know; God needs you more this time. Let the life has its final say now. Allow it to have the final journey. You have always remained so active, and this medical equipment do not seem to be helping either”. His hands grip tightened further, as if, not wanting to leave.
I continued – “Pita Ji I am assuring you that we would meet again, and I would be the one who would recognize you in next birth. You would not need to search for me; I would search for you and will find you. And for me, you would always remain with me and within me – healthy and alive. We both would talk daily and share our experiences. You would tell me the stories of heaven and I would tell you what is happening at our side of the universe. We would for sure stay connected.”
He closed his eyes slowly and his hand drips only became tighter.
I kept narrating many instances and incidents. His eyes were not opening now – but a glow had started coming on his face. Perhaps he could see the chariot of Bholenath that was waiting for him only.
Next morning, he boarded the chariot and left for his final journey. He left on the same day he was born, the Hanuman Jayanti – 30th March 2010. I was standing beside him during his last breath.
For me he is still alive. We do not put garland on his photograph even today. And I continue with my routine conversation with him. My wife and children tell him everything that is happening and we always take his blessings while going out for a good work.
Who said he doesn’t listen – he listens and smiles too.
But one thing still ponders me – Though he said he came to meet me in Udaipur, did he really come, or was it that my last conversation with him had already started through our souls – and we concluded in Delhi.