How does this statement sound- “Are you the most important person in your life?” Some would say – Yes – some would say – No – and some would be politically correct – May Be.
One day, I asked myself the same question. Then I realised, my priorities were different. The people who are connected to me are the ones who are very important to me. I am considerably a mature, sincere, obedient, and most importantly a ‘responsible person’ – thus my priorities for my own-self exist less than those who depend on me.
I happen to be the eldest son in the family, and it did not take much years to realise how important my role would be in future.
My father once told me – “The whole family would be your responsibility once I am not there.” Initially I felt very proud, but then I had many sleepless nights.
Ironically, in the family, you would not even know when life would change for you and you would become a fixed deposit or equity for others to get interest and dividend. You suddenly start planning future for everyone in the family, as if you are responsible for everything they would achieve in life. Irony is, when they achieve, they would never want to mention your contribution and sacrifice.
Being important is not easy, it also leads to unimaginable psychological and emotional pressure. You would need to keep everyone happy, yet not expect any reciprocation. You have to also pretend that your happiness lies in their happiness. They are happy, so you are happy. And, if at all they are not happy or there is some deficiency, then admit – you are the one responsible for it.
Please do not think that my words are discouraging you to take any responsibility of the family, or we should ignore our family; I am only saying that in this entire process, we have to ensure that there is a difference between taking responsibility and adopting them.
In other words, do not make them dependent on you for everything that they want or desire or would visualise in future.
Let them know that you would not take medicine on their behalf if they fall ill. Let them know that you would not study on their behalf for the exams. Let them know that you are not a driver of their life – they need to arrange and streamline their life accordingly.
If you fail to do so – then you have practically mortgaged your life, and your life no more belongs to you anymore.
Often, I have heard this – “I need my privacy.” Here, privacy means – do not ask me questions.
But when it comes to issues and problems, then this privacy converts into mercy. You are required to become crusader to resolve the issues. It is like they want you to enter their room but without opening the door.
We all have crossed this phase of life? I am no different, and neither are you.
Now my question comes back again – “Am I the most important person in my life?”
Is it not true that in all these responsibilities and commitments we have lost our own-self?
It is important to have your exclusive space where it’s you and only you, without any encroachment or interference.
Many family members generally insist of having the password of your mobile or laptop or bank-accounts. Why do you need it and for what? – Have that right to refusal and without assigning any reason.
In case you want to walk alone to unwind, have that right. If you want to sit quiet and do not want to speak with anyone for the time-being, do that. No questions to be asked. People around you should respect your decisions – whether they find logic in them or not. At least listen peacefully without interruption.
A friend of mine once told me that she is going out for a trip, that also alone. I was taken a back. Alone, I asked, but why alone? Her reply was – “You asking like my father. I am going alone because I want to go alone and I have assured my parents that I will keep them posted of my whereabouts and will take full care of my safety and well-being.”
Well, who was I to be worried about her safety or wellbeing, she has a family to take care? She is responsible for herself and I am not her guardian to be worried. Why am I trying to become protective? Why did I ask her at all?
Similarly, when our children are going out, we give them all guidance and tell them what needs to be done and what not. How many of you believe they remember what you said? But if you tell them that be responsible as you would be alone and you have to take care of yourself, they might perhaps give some ears. We don’t have to be like a camera to monitor them all the time. They would never grow and would always depend on you to take simple and stupid decisions.
Remember, a free advice is like giving a medicine without a disease.
If your children say, they are getting bored, you try finding options for making them happy. You even crack jokes and search for good programs on television that could make your children happy. You read out funny messages circulating on Facebook or WhatsApp. You put your all efforts to make them happy, since, somewhere, somehow, you feel guilty of making them feeling bored. Common, give yourself a break.
Do you have a reply when your spouse says – “life is boring and I not feeling happy?” The only solution you have is to suggest for some shopping or movie or some dinner in a good restaurant. Some even suggest going out to buy plants or buying ‘something’ – something, that no one knows.
Remember, when you are travelling in an aircraft and the airhostess gives you safety briefing, at one point she says – “In case there is loss of cabin pressure, the oxygen mask would fall down automatically. But before adjusting masks of others, make sure you are wearing your own oxygen mask.”
It is a lesson of life. Before you start giving life to others, secure yours first.
Before you start becoming responsible for happiness and well-being of others, make sure you are happy and content with yourself, from inside and outside.
Before you are asked to give space to others, make sure you have your own space secured first.
Before you hear opinions of others, make sure your opinion has a voice too.
It is important to be, ME FIRST and YOU SECOND.
I am not against anyone, but I am in favour of Myself First.