This is a very old incident. One day I saw my father sitting quietly outside in our lawn. He was silent and lost in some thoughts. I was hardly 10-12 years old that time. I noticed that my father’s eyes had few tears. I asked him – “Papa, are you ok?” And he immediately wiped his tears and said – “Men do not cry. I think something has fallen in my eyes and that’s the reason of water coming out of the eyes.”
Being in that young age, I couldn’t understand much what my father said. But his advice – “Men do not cry” went deep inside me. Whatever may happen – “Men do not cry”.
As the life moved ahead, many incidents happened that shook me badly and tested all my energy and patience, but, I did not cry – remembered – “Men do not cry”.
A day came when my father aged and I came to the age when he had told me – “Men do not cry”. Ironically, I was sitting at the same place where my father was sitting on that day.
There were some office issues and also personal. I was struggling, and I was not able to find the solutions. The issues were only escalating and I was feeling immense pressure on me. I was sitting quiet. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder – it was my father. “What happened. Is everything alright. Do you want to talk about something. Why so upset. I can see you have tears in your eyes”, he asked. And I promptly replied – “No No – Men do not cry”.
He smiled and sat beside me and said – “I remember, I only told you this – Men do not cry. What I meant that was that do not surrender in life. There are always many chances and choices to fight-back and get the things back to normal. But when we surrender, we deprive ourselves of those chances and choices. Problems have reasons and so does the solutions. Most of the problems come by ‘invitation’ – result of some intended or unintended activities, but you have to always ‘find’ solutions.”
I said – “You have made me very strong, no doubt. By shedding some tears, the heart does get lighter, but it doesn’t get you the solution.” My father asked me again – “Then why are you so sad and why are you in tears?”
I said – “When I am struggling now with so many things, I realise that when you were into some struggles that day, I should have sat with you and insisted to know what had happened. At least I should have listened to the issues and the problems. I might be not capable to give you a solution, but still. Today, I regret being a boy of just 10-12 years that day. Today sitting at the same place, I was expecting someone to sit with me, and at least ask me about the circumstances and issue that have been bothering me – and you came. You might not be able to resolve my matters, but by simply asking about is making me feel better & confident. As your son, I could not do justice that day.”
After saying this I hugged my father and cried.
And my father was immediate in reminding me – “Men do not cry my son.”
Not every time one needs your advice or suggestions. Most of the time, it is your presence that makes the difference.