The bonding between a son and a father is different from a son and a mother. Father teaches the lessons of life to his son and a mother is emotional and protective. A Father is more of making the son tough and ready to face challenges, and a mother is more like keeping him healthy.
Away from this, it is a different feeling when a father and son go out to watch a movie. This is an indication that your son now no more wants you to father him, rather be like a friend to him.
So, we both went to watch a movie in the Cinema Hall and the movie was – “Chhichhore”.
The movie is a lesson for all parents who put pressure of performance on their children. It is important to assess the capabilities and abilities of your child and then support to accomplish his or her vision.
In the move, in the misconception and self-created performance pressure of his father, the child, after not being successful in a competitive examination, attempts suicide – but survives.
The movie scared me to hell. The immediate question was – “Am I also one of those parents who puts unnecessary pressure on their children?” Or “Was I actually putting performance pressure on my son?”
Then I realised – No, me and my son are more of friends. This is the reason he has brought me to see movie with him. Since he is quite grown-up now, I trust his decisions and wisdom and advise him only to an extent. I give him full space to analyse things from both the sides.
Our children do need our protection – protection from bad company – protection from bad sources – protection from spoiled lifestyle and also protection from lures. There needs to be a silent surveillance, which makes them feel secure. They should know that there is a family that is standing behind them, no matter what, and they have to be always aligned with the ethos of the family. They need to be aware that there could be a segment amongst their friends that would constantly try to take them away from their parents for their selfish purpose.
Generally, bad elements search for those vulnerable souls who they find disconnected from their family. Such elements would agree with you on every point that your parents would disagree. They would prove you right for everything that your mind thinks.
When a child starts going to playschool, as a parent, we generally inculcate a feeling of fear of teacher – unknowingly, the teacher becomes a preacher. “The teacher will be annoyed with you or punish you if you do not do your homework neatly” – we are generally found quoting. On the other side the teacher too threatens to call parents for every small mistake.
Along this, the father is the next level of terror – “Your father will be annoyed if you don’t do this or that properly. He will be very upset. He wants you to become an excellent professional like him.”
In all this the poor child starts doing thing everything out of fear and to make teacher and parents happy. His success parameters are dependent on the reactions of teachers or parents.
Believe me, by now at least, I have not seen a seed of strawberry producing apples. Worse is, we expect the same.
The factor of fear in children often leaves them into silence. They start manipulating and talking to themselves and avoid discussing anything with parents. They start hiding things. They would tell lies. They would hide answer sheets and report cards. They would do everything that can probably lead them to a heavy scolding.
Again, I don’t say, set them free. What I am saying is set them straight without fear or favour. They should be able to discuss anything and everything openly with you.
I always kept in mind my own childhood while dealing with my children. I always kept in mind what all I did and what all I could have done in school time. I also never forget my potential and what all I could have achieved, if I had received right advise in my days of early education and career – probably from my parents or teachers.
I might not have had a childhood I deserved, but I made sure that my children deserve and get the childhood that I perhaps missed and they deserve, and I can afford.
Perhaps, this is why we all look for and work so hard in our professional life.
The movie got over and in-between my son had got popcorns and cold-drinks. While returning from cinema hall and I gave him keys of the car to drive. I sat beside him and softly asked – “Do you have any pressure from my side or from your mother’s side, in any which ways, that can be termed as performance pressure”.
He laughed and said – “You parents take everything so seriously. It was just a movie Dad. Relax. I am your son and I know how to find windows when the doors are closed. I wanted to see a good movie with you and this happened to be in the nearest Cinema Hall. Your parenting and my parenting have been different” – and he started smiling.
I kept my hand on his shoulder and said – “Let us have some nice dinner tonight…”
He kept driving and I kept telling him to be careful with cars coming from left and right. He smiled, I knew what he was thinking – “Father’s cannot change and never make your father sit beside you, when you are driving.”